Everybody Got Their Own Stuff

I had a conversation with a friend recently and her statement titled this blog!

We missed each other's calls a few times and were playing a little game of Phone Tag. I found myself worried that she may be going through something and really need me, and I was missing her calls.

When we finally caught up about a week later, I was relieved to hear her just go on about her conversation as if nothing was amiss. I blew a sigh of relief only to realize I was a little anxious about missing her calls.

See, Starr (myself- yes, I am talking in 3rd person just deal with it for a moment) ... Starr dealt with a heavy portion of people pleasing in the past. She has always tried to do what it is people needed her to do even if it was at her own detriment. Need someone to talk to? Okay, she will listen no matter how tired she is. Need someone to show up? Okay, she will be there no matter what she had to move in her own schedule. Starr recently realized she was showing up for everyone else but herself.

I realized people pleasing was a behavior pattern that I was using to keep people around who maybe I need to let go of. Instead of worrying if someone was going to be disappointed, mad or upset that I didn't show up in the capacity they wanted me to I needed to prioritize myself in the relationship or friendship.

By doing so I can now see my toxic behaviors and thinking traps.

When I mentioned to my friend, that I was worried I'd missed her calls her response was "Girl, everybody got their own stuff".

It rang so true to me. WE DO! Everybody does have their own cares, responsibilities, and needs. It is not my job (or your job) to always be available to others. We live in such a hands-on society. With social media we think we're supposed to be able to lock arms with people 24/7 and that is not true. We all deserve quiet time away. We will all be busy sometimes and if there are people in your life who don't understand that then remind them:

We all got our own stuff!